When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
