She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
