I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just pee around me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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