This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
