So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
