cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
