It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
