This is not my ceiling
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
