Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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