4 words: hood of his car
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
