I must be too annoying 4 u.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
