She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
