She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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