Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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