ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
