my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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