I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
