My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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