3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dear god my vagina.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
