my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So squirting runs in the family.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
