She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
NoShamevember. You game?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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