He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
