I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i've created a new STD.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
