people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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