Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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