Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
