Your mouth is God's brothel.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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