I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I cockslap morals
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
