good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
