Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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