I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
