there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
