i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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