I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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