I can text with my tongue
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My bed smells like the plague
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