I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
