Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
