New invention idea: vibrating tampons
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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