And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize