When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
