On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
