people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
