I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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