that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
