I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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