My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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