Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just want nice things and good sex
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
