i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
