In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize