I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
