I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
