i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
