All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
