Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
