Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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