I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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