I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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