You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
