you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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