its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
