Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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