Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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