What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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