God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
