Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize