I want to make a zoo with you.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize