she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Let's paint friendship bongs
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
