is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
