Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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