just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
