Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
