I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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