I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
