I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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