real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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